From the fake college football news department, comes a story of a hero, who has seen some serious success, and of who lately, has been bestowed with nothing but misfortune.

Los Angeles, Calif. – Taking his cue from Homer’s Odyssey, University of Southern California head football coach Pete Carroll attempted to appease the legendary anger of Poseidon with an offer of burnt lamb, approximately seventy heads of cattle and an 8 ft. high statue of USC running back Reggie Bush made entirely from gold.

But will this end in tragedy, or will our

‘idle king’ inevitably seek to ‘sail beyond the sunset and the baths of all the western stars’ by recruiting a class of twenty Scout and Rivals rated five star players.

Carroll apologizes to Poseidon with burnt offering, three flocks of cattle, Reggie Bush shaped golden idol [It’s a Definite Maybe]