A short entry on a day when real life is interfering with things a bit, but you’ll pardon our mess as we introduce you to the finest Heisman Campaign we’ve ever seen: Booties 4 Booty.

Considering that we, as a policy stand, don’t give a shit about individual awards, this may seem like an odd acknowledgment. Then again, we care a lot about ass, and about football–any intersection of the two deserves at least an energetic nod in its direction. And given that direction, this campaign’s over before it ever started. All the campaign needs now is Booty shirtless holding a baby to sway the female voters, and we’re game set match thanks to a sex attack.

As for ESPN? They were already pantsless holding a bottle of champagne at the door for USC and anyone from the team from day one. In fact we can’t be sure the first “lady” at Booties for Booty site isn’t Joe Schad with painted nails and a really, really good wax job on the back.