Nostalgia is for suckers. That’s why we can’t fucking stand baseball, loaded as it is with all kinds of pisspanted WAAAHHHH moaning for bygone youth and the past. Oh, for the days of segregation and untreatable bacterial infections. Oh, the luminosity of those halcyon days!

To hell with that. We think most people, dropped even a mere twenty years in the past, would take a flamethrower to their surroundings. Where’s the coffee? Wireless internet? Women not wearing pants hiked up to their tits with booming, hairspray-reeking hair? You’d hate it and this is not a lie.

Look no further than the Buckeye Babes video MichiganZone dug up. They’ve got the backstory. We figured we’d just throw this bag of flaming crap on your porch and see what you did with it. Again: the past sucks in every way imaginable, especially 1987.

(Except for the cheap coke. That must have been nice.)