The sports satire site Serious Sports News Network, the Onion of professional sports, has discovered a new target: Matt Leinart. SSNN decided to spin the Leinart bikini beer-bong fiasco in their most recent post Leinart Claims he Always Drinks out of a Beer Bong.

“I don’t even own any cups, glasses or mugs. There isn’t a single one in my house, so really there’s no choice but to use the bong. Every drop of liquid that I drink goes through that bong. Orange juice, soda, tea, coffee, milk — everything,” Leinart insisted.

“It’s just so much more efficient. I’m a busy guy, and I don’t have much time to sit around and drink my morning coffee, so I just bong it. It’s important to let it cool down a little first, though.”

Hey Dad, no time to enjoy that morning cup of Joe? And you Mom, can’t seem to work your protein-shakes into your busy schedule? Then it’s time you invest in a beverage-bong! They’re not only for hard drinking. Beverage Bongs are a practical tool for the fast-paced working man, or woman, that’s always on the go. No time for nursing your infant? Baby-Bong, the pint-sized beverage bong, is just the tool for you!