1–2 minutes

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I let my emotions get the best of me. I care too much, I guess. I was thinking with my lady parts. I was walking and I felt something icky! I thought there was gonna be chocolate. I don’t even reMEMber! I’m wearing a new bra, and it closes in the front, so it popped open and threw me off. I just want to have babies! Are you single?! I’m just going through a thing right now. I guess when my life is incomplete I wanna shoot someone. This would NOT happen if I had a PENIS! What? Bitches be crazy. I’m good at tolerating pain, I’m bad at math. And… I’m stupid.

Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) of Parks and Recreation trying to convince the park ranger she shot her boss, on the basis that she’s a woman.

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