The FUCLA students whined to their athletic department about the USC Trojans Marching band drum major stabbing the field before the game on Saturday. We complied with their ridiculous request and the tradition has been suspended.

Legendary Trojan Marching Band Director Dr. Arthur C. Bartner said of the decision,

“To protect a great rivalry and to conduct it in the most mutually respectful way possible.”

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Sportsmanship Smortsmanship.

UPDATE:

The LA Times reported that someone from the UCLA athletic department told USC that if the sword is planted in the UCLA logo, the Trojans marching band will not be allowed to perform at halftime.

BABIES!