1. It takes two hands to put on a hat the right way: Back brim curled up, front tugged down to a couple of inches above the right brow. 2. Never wear brown at night. Never. 3. There’s no excuse for brown shoes past sundown…. Or white shoes. Or anything gray, unless it’s deep charcoal. Or blue, unless it’s midnight blue. In fact, let’s keep it simple: after dark, men should wear black. 4. Ties should be silk. And conservative. 5. Cuff links always. But leave the fancy jewelry to Sammy. 6. When dressing formally, a vest is better than a cummerbund. 7. Don’t wear a tuxedo on Sunday. 8. Having messy closets is like putting on clean clothes over dirty underwear. 9. The shower is a great place to steam out the wrinkles in your dinner jacket. 10. Orange is the happiest color. 11. Don’t hide your scars. They make you who you are. 12. When it comes to pockets, everything should have its own place. 13. A pocket handkerchief is essential, but it needs to be perfectly folded. 14. Shine your shoes. 15. Trim. Buff. Clean. 16. Take your hand off the suit, creep.
Tell me you wouldn’t be psyched to see a story set in a desolate futurescape, where the hero emerges onscreen for the first time wearing one of these, then takes it off to reveal a normal human underneath. Pitch perfect post-apocalyptica. [via]