Meet Marshawn Lynch

In true Chuck Norris Facts-style, EDSBS gives us 27 Things You Did Not Know About Marshawn Lynch.

Since the Cal running back will potentially be USC’s biggest challenge, we thought we’d share.

1. When ground to a powder, his toenails are an aphrodesiac. They may be found embedded in your ass, which he just finished kicking.

5. Won the battle of Tours in 732 by stiff-arming the entire Moorish army across the Straits of Gibraltar, but only after teaching them algebra first.

21. Once knocked a train off its tracks with his penis…for charity. (Courtesy of Mr. Show.)

27. Impregnated a redwood once, which gave birth to a coffee table that ran a 4.3.


Kyle Bunch

Partnerships for R/GA Ventures. Raised in California, adopted by Texas. Opinions expressed here are mine and they are fantastic.

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