Since the Cal running back will potentially be USC’s biggest challenge, we thought we’d share.
1. When ground to a powder, his toenails are an aphrodesiac. They may be found embedded in your ass, which he just finished kicking.
5. Won the battle of Tours in 732 by stiff-arming the entire Moorish army across the Straits of Gibraltar, but only after teaching them algebra first.
21. Once knocked a train off its tracks with his penis…for charity. (Courtesy of Mr. Show.)
27. Impregnated a redwood once, which gave birth to a coffee table that ran a 4.3.