We don’t often direct you over to a UCLA site, but this post on Bruins Nation and its mime applying lipstick photo caught our attention — we thought UCLA might have finally chosen a more fitting mascot to accompany their baby blues.

Alas, the mime was but one of six theories as to why Karl Dorrell seems to not visibly coach, or for that matter, speak during UCLA football games. Our personal favorite:

Option two, KD is a dummy. You know, a ventriloquist-type dummy.

Then, after running through several humorous possible explanations for the quiet madness of Dorrell, they arrive at a final and most realistic assessment:

Option six, KD is in over his head, completely detached from the action on the field, and consistently abdicates his responsibility to lead his team.

…I’m leaning towards a combination of options two and six.

But look at the upside — no one will ever forget those puppy dog eyes.

Dorrell’s Odd Sideline Behavior Explained [Uncle Nestor’s Post-World War III Love Bunker]