soupsoup:

bonerparty:

i’m sorry everybody – this is a big break from bookish brunettes – but jessica simpson in mom jeans? dude i’m so there.

she should be a poster girl from the Eat A Cheesburger Foundation because i like a girl with some meat on her. and this? this is like, pinnacle. oh man. this is like a human Six Flags. i’m not sure i want to ride first.

oh you wouldn’t? oh you’re “too good”? sorry dude i’ll get back to posting Ms Sadness McPoutface tomorrow. obviously you don’t know how to live and are still hung up on the fact “Vice sucked once Gavin left” or some shit. jesus, son. get out there. take her to Waffle House and buy her a milkshake on that first date. no-one gives a shit about your fucking loft and what kind of onitsuka tigers you’re wearing. nobody.

plus: one day you’ll be 75 and unable to get a boner. and you’ll see a girl like this walk by and you’ll go “man, i wish i’d done as many of those kinds of girls as possible”. this LIFE WAS MEANT TO BE LIVED. don’t get hung up on the Wokano waitress just because she has bangs and glasses.

gotta catch ‘em all, bro. its like Pokemon.

Wow. That might be Ned’s great american boner novel right there.

This is me giving a golf clap.