On a lazy summer afternoon like this, when something this easy crosses your desk, offer merely token resistance before remembering you are weak, and only human. If you can’t appreciate the comedy served up daily by this rich human tapestry we all inhabit, we’re afraid we cannot help you.

Remember David Sills? That 13-year-old USC commit from Delaware? Well, you’ll just never guess: Sills’ current school is under investigation for (wait for it) recruiting improprieties, improper benefits to athletes, and the use of ineligible players. From The (Wilmington, Del.) News Journal:

In March, the Delaware Interscholastic Athletic Association launched an official investigation into whether Red Lion Christian, a private school, used an ineligible player and improperly recruited players. The DIAA probe was prompted by complaints from within the Red Lion and high school sports communities.

Kevin Charles, executive director of the DIAA for five years, says the allegations are among the most serious he has ever encountered.

Sills’ father is among the figures being investigated, for a "training ministry" he operates on campus. A phenomenally talented young athlete with a possibly shady parent? Five years ahead of schedule, David, please allow me to warmly welcome you to Los Angeles. You’re gonna do great here. 

USC coach Lane Kiffin, who apparently wasn’t contacted for the article, is doing just fine, thanks, and when asked about the incoming NCAA sanctions, insists, "I don’t think it’s going to have an impact on our recruiting."

Apart from, well, basic math, he’s not wrong. It’d be silly to assume the Trojans staffers would downgrade the caliber of players they’re courting along with the tally; if anything, they’ll need better talent in smaller doses to remain competitive. But click through anyway for the part where Ed Orgeron is referred to as "the fire to Kiffin’s ice." (Offseason malaise: It affects us all. Something’s got to keep the hyperbole muscles limber until August.)

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Matt Hinton is on vacation this week. Holly welcomes your adulation and veiled threats at nastinchka-at-yahoo, etc.