Anybody who’s encountered Alabama fans in person can tell you, they make a pack of Red Sox fans look more civilized than a group of socialites on their way to a night at the opera. If you really hate the English language, logic, or deodorant, than the scornful approach that ‘Bama fans take to all three would probably allow you to get along swimmingly.
On the law enforcement side, it’ll be fun to watch the lengths Auburn’s going to go to see this particular Tidetard–who called in and bragged about his crime on a local radio show–thrown in jail for a considerable amount of time. The edited version of the inevitable conclusion (b/c this guy is going to get hunted down by the Auburn fan contingent of the state troopers like he’s Richard Kimble):
“Whatcha in for?”
“I murdered some trees.”
“Man, I love trees. You’re gonna pay, little angry Tide fan.”
If you wanted to go after Cam Newton (although he may be indestructable) or Nick Fairley (I hear his weakness is anything with sugar on it), that’s fine. But you don’t mess with the innocent trees. Didn’t Avatar teach you anything?